Chaos and Kismet

Heartbeat or rainfall, will or whirlwind, kismet or chaos?
Lovers claim kismet wed them, but more love means more chaos.


‘What’s the secret ingredient of your ghazals, Amit?’
Rhyme is the chaos I use to make kismet.  

She greets me with a meteor-strike 
Kiss on either cheek. Bonjour, chaos!

The world is baking. Why fire clay in a kiln of form?
Beauty seeds a nostalgic naked ache in kismet.

Eros fires arrows, kismet, heart-seeking missiles
That burn up fools for fuel. At the warhead’s core? Chaos. 

My sweet tooth hankers for whirlwind icing.
Birthday, doomsday, Thursday: layercake kismet.

Enough with catastrophe’s kissing cousin.
If this is kismet, I am all for chaos.

I plan the same mistake twice: Here, lightning! 
Love doesn’t have the wisdom to ignore kismet.

The science of oops, the art of ricochet.
Not every cause has an effect. Take chaos.

The revolution looks like riots in the footage,
But the heart will dance through fire to restore kismet. 

I’m sleep deprived. My mind is a wideawake chaos.
A true Sufi waves as he waterskis Lake Chaos.

One glance at the language, and Amit can’t control himself.
Through rhyme’s schematic chaos, at least he can force kismet. 

DENIAL

There is no such thing as I used to love you
Married is something lovers become in real time. 
The way the sugar cube dies and gets reborn 
as the coffee, the way a song touches her own face 
as her composer hums in real time. Some say love 
is in the heart, others, in the liver, but I say marriage 
is in every tuned-taut nerve your lover’s name 
strums in real time. Time is never more unreal 
than in each other’s clockface-tickmarked irises,
two mathematicians forgetting dinner as they tot up 
the stars, projecting their astral sums in real time. 
Lyric, that lovelorn word, tells everyone who’ll listen 
what it lost. Voice, like wisdom, comes in real time.
There is no such thing as divorce. When the knife 
slides in, you feel it no more than the sting 
a lidocaine needle numbs in real time. 
The life left after a marriage is the silence 
left after the music: infused, fused, full of what was, 
a never with nothing in it that thrums in real time.  

Ardhanarishvara

[Sanskrit, “Half-Woman-Lord” — name

of the unified form of Shiva and Shakti

that combines both genders] 

The last rain, like the first rain, is
reborn as steam, a ghostly hiss.
The atmosphere is one sheer sphere
of fire. His hands say Do not fear
upright, and facing forward—as his
numberless arms fan out, a lattice
to shelter her against the rain
that shivers like a peacock’s train.
Unless it’s she who shelters him,
her daybreak saree’s nightlong hem
becalming him like swaddling,
though she’s out of cradle songs to sing.

Now lover clambers onto lover—
no higher point, no deeper cover—
as lava sniffs between their feet
eager for more world to eat.
Destruction flows beneath them, molten
creation to its waiting mold. Once,
the icecaps melted; now, the boulders.
They watch it from each other’s shoulders,
neutral observers safe on ridges 
as rivers buckle below their bridges
and boardwalks in the grip of gales
toggle and rip like fingernails.

They sleep, too, always at the same hour,
in the noontime of the flamethrower.
They rest their heads in each other’s laps,
a Mobius strip that never snaps
no matter how intense the shockwave
bowing the glass skyscrapers concave.
Their third eyes—either one, a warhead’s
blast crater—open. From their foreheads,
the dreams go soaring in a braid, two
vines on a trellis, a shared tornado,
the grapes that swell along those vines
blood blisters, crushed for the reddest wines.

And when they make love, like a parted sea
they come together. She and he,
two gasps, one breath, one shout, two ears,
teeth in each other, engaged like gears.
They only find out they are halves when
the gunshot of a glacier calving
startles them back to who they are, 
or were. By then, they are just too far
into each other’s bodies. No border,
no bounds. The only way is forward,
both genders coupling in their form,
embraced, and braced against the storm.

NOCTURNE

“A healthy man can expect to get hard three to five

times per night....Doctors call these erections while

you sleep “nocturnal penile tumescence.”

— Men’s Health

Why do they happen at all, much less
five times a futile night—
nested, within the circadian, their
sprung rhythm of delight?

Unless delight misreads the message.
Unless they choke and strain
against their loneliness like starved
Rottweilers on a chain.

Who visits in the witching hour
as REM begins
and slides her darkling mouth around 
his hardening and grins?

Lascivious sylph or cocktease yakshi
or ex from some past life,
coaxing a husband into sin
at arm’s length from his wife.

Or else someone that when awake
he would not dare to daydream,
verboten body, evanescent
pelvis figure-eighting,

or maybe all his fantasies 
since age twelve coalesce,
voluptuous ghosts that flash him their
aurora borealis.

A hundred mayflies in his blood 
take wing at once above
the hushed and shingled houses, seeking
the ones they shied to love,

desperately swooping down and left,
back up, around, and right,
a minute to mate, then drift and fade
on a humid summer’s night.

THERE IS NO GOD BUT THE GODDESS

In the instinct, fight-or-flight or flow: the goddess.  
In the reflex, pupil, knee, Moro: the goddess.

Don’t sweat the math behind this.
Just make sure you know the goddess. 

Skull garland, tongue out, blood-brimmed beggar’s bowl:
Bad men better pray there’s no such goddess.

Hurry, please, come rescue your cubs, 
O sabretoothed doe-eyed goddess.

The church fathers figured it out:
Shatter the shrine, borrow the goddess.

Made a new war, did you, boys?
I dare you to show the goddess.

Cast her in bronze, rhymes, or ragas,
But never imprison in prose the goddess.

Be careful, she runs hot and cold,
Lava flow and ice floe one goddess.

Fireflies and forest fires, fallout
And incense halo the goddess.

In all we make—love, poems, time: the goddess. 
In all we feel—silk, Braille, sorrow: the goddess. 

All I love, write, am: it’s 
What I owe the goddess.