Benedetta Carlini at Deviance, Crucible

Not for my pleasure only but for yours

I seek my suffering. In all things flesh

and flood you see my rutting ways,

my wayward wanderings into the dark

where you shine for me and me alone.

Do you like this? What I wear for you

when everyone is looking, black

from heel to crown, unveiling for your

touch that will so readily mark me.

Your lovely face, awash in LED and smoke,

red as the gates of want between

my cunt and your correction.

You came to me to take my dripping heart.

And in her place you’ve left

this void that throbs in time to rhythms

no one else can feel amid the DJ’s

orchestration, her ministry of bass-

lines and drum machines and sweat.

Leatherbound I came to you with nothing

but myself and Yes, Yes—

how you’ve made me more than me,

I, who long to be a wound worth opening.

How many nights I’ve spent in wait

kneeling at the feet of other crosses, begging

to be fastened there so I can know love

fully, the space between the cattail and

my will. Make me an instrument,

though of what I need not know or care

if it’s your hands that do the playing.

Make me worthy of my singular desire,

to be good for you and this thing only:

my arms spread wider than this world,

my body splayed into the kiss

I’d know you by, anywhere, blindfolded

or dreaming. Show me what I am to you

and let me show you how gladly

I will take you in, oh you—

my Christ, pluck me with your thorn.